it's been a long time...

..but the difficulty in making phone calls from, seemingly, anywhere I am, has promped me to write again. And while I'm going to write about how freaking cold it is around here, I want to stay possitive by thinking of how best to spend indoor time.

One way is to watch a good movie,
a good curl-up rom-com, especially for valentines day. but how to find one? Like, what is the list you send your friends to blockbuster with? Imdb doesn't list romantic comedies, romance and comedy are separate catagoies, and other online lists fall short, in my opinion. so, please, help me out. This is what I've thought of so far, give me more and then we can have a good list. Mind you, these need to be solid, proven, good movies in and of themselves: good story, good laughs, interesting characters, good ending. These should be the best! They don't have to have all those, but the whole experience has to make up for any shortcomings- gestalt: the whole is more than the sum of it's parts. Feel free also to rate those I've listed:

when you're in the mood to laugh at love, you wanna watch...


clueless
sleepless in seattle
An affair to remember
breakfast at tiffany's
My fair lady
legally blond
miss congeniality
notting hill
sense and sensibility
10 things I hate about you
how to lose a guy in 10 days
high fidelity
america's sweethearts
pride and prejudice
molin rouge
amelie
my big fat greek wedding
four weddings and a funeral
love actually

wtf

excuse the implied language.
but what is this? :

v: I totally won
v: you must admit
me: won what?
me: I'm confused...
v: you'll never know
v: sorry, gotta run

Why does he get to play with me like this? Things like this kill me, and I think he knows it. is this payback for me not calling him this week like I said I would? I was busy, and don't feel like talking to him. That should be perfectly reasonable, if nothing else is.

new update: apparently, he was going to converse longer, but whatever it was came up unexpectedly. turns out, when I asked, the above conversation was about the co-op poker game. he won. deadpan congrats. thats the explaination, now where's the excuse?

a bed

It's almost 2 months now, that I've been without a bed-- just a foam pad. like maybe an inch thick. I have to stretch out my chest in the morning because it hurts, it's as if my lungs hurt. The lack of bed may or may not explain 2 significant bad dreams I've had recently-- one where I was avoiding, interupting, and running away from someone who was trying to propose to me at a camp, and one where I had to go to highschool and missed the bus, and couldn't get a ride, so took to yelling 'but I've graduated, I've graduated already' to unlistening neighbors and sure-to-be-disapproving school officials.

speaking of marriage and graduation, I went back to PGH this weekend, of course, for a wedding, and got to see lots of friends, old and new-ish- but all far away now- including the Triple Threat. Come on, the ex and 2 almosts? The ex you're not quite over, the best friend who crushed on you but not vice versa, and the best friend you crushed on, but who's actually not attracted to... you.. or anyone else of your sex. burn! but isn't 'out'. ooo! throw in that everyone (including your mom!) thinks, instead, the ex is gay, and ex is keeping new gf on the dl (why? we can only wonder) AWKWARD, baby! ..add 24 hours in the car with 3 guys I'd never met (to get to PGH and back) preluded by such mishap as losing my shirt for the wedding on the road and it getting run over 50 times, 15 min. before my ride shows up! SITCOM, baby! ...do you really still wonder why I'm having panic attacks?
this was ment to be a bitter rant, but now its become comedic. guess it wasn't such a great set up for my poem of hurt and uncertainty. what the heck. it's unfinished. you get it anyways!

my foot slipped on the stairs
I dropped the knife
and broke my nose.

love slips like a knife into my skin
like the fear in a foot lost balance
the twinge as wisp brushes lip.

it was a sad sort of homecoming
the kind where you discover
home is gone

maybe it should be :

my foot slipped
I dropped the knife
and broke my nose.

love slips like a knife
like the fear in a foot

and then on from there-- the 3rd line -dude-rocks. ok? wi s wisp sh-s ip? tell me it isn't sweet. that took some time.

I created this blog, what do you think?

not sure how far to go with this-- how intimate or not, how anonymus or not..., be more informational, be more inspirational? random or calculated? formal or candid? truthful or fanciful, ah, the cunundrums. and who should be the audience I have in mind?

I can't figure out how make a new post... here's a poem a wrote on the plane, see this is why I didn't put my name to it. you think I should do stuff like this or what? I don't want to seem self-consiously arty or funky. actually I was annoyed and needed to amuse myself.. I was on a plane, right?

fat ladies on airplanes read sordid stories
wearing thick-tipped quick-dry hard-coat hot-pink nail-polish.
reading Dean Kootz and Danielle Steele
wearing eye-soar boxing-me-in red.
filling time laughing about tiny airplane seats.
filling tiny airplanes seats, laughingly
reading hot-pink stories with thick-lipped smiles.
wishing the flight was quick-dry
because tiny airplane seats are boxing me in.
Danielle Steele-ing time to write my own
sordid stories about eye-soar fat-ladies
boxing wearing red; laughing in Dean Ka-hootz.